Tuesday, May 10, 2011

We must always be in a state of learning...


... This has become a very real reality to me lately. I will NEVER be in a place in life where I know it all, and actually I just recently realized that I actually don't want to know it all, Then the fun of discovering things would no longer exist.

Not too long ago I discovered the world of Personality Tests, unlike other people who hate them because they feel boxed in by them, I LOVE them!! I have been able to come to grips with the fact that I am who I am, not in a hopeless kind of way but in a freeing... "wow I don't have to try and be like everyone else" kind of way. Whether it has been conscious or not I have spent a good amount of my days trying to be what I think people want me to be (which is usually wrong, by the way) or trying to just actually BE other people which really is rather boring for everyone.

I have run into a new challenge with this new found discovery though. Who am I? I have used so much of my time trying to BE whatever it is I thought I was supposed to be I didn't use that time to learn what its like to be me. So here I am 24 years old (which is still very young I know) embarking on the exciting yet scary journey of ME! Not to be too dramatic or anything but the reality is I want to know me. I want to BE me so I am going to do it! I think the journey starts with... What do I like? What peaks my interest? Why not go down the road that looks intriguing?

I have realized that in order for me to make headway on this path I have to be connected to my heart and let myself be present in day to day life. To let things move me. I thought this was okay with me until I went to a movie with my nephew and found myself being moved by the movie and fighting tears back. Let me explain, this is NOT like me! I DO NOT cry during movies. Even as bad as it sounds I didn't even cry when I watch The Passion. So to be crying over a movie where a girl gets her arm bit off by a shark was just SO unlike me. As I was sitting in the theater though I felt like God asked me "Do you really want access to your heart, because THIS is what that means". It really got me thinking, am I ready for that? Am I willing to be "the crier". You see I am an EXTREMELY sensitive person, which I think is why I shut down so much of my emotions in the first place, I didn't know what to do with them. I FEEL WAY too much in my day to day life so its just easier to keep to myself with them. I don't want to do that anymore though, not at the expense of experiencing life to the fullest. I told Jesus Yes! Yes I really do want it!

Feelings... Welcome to my world!

4 comments:

  1. YAY YOU BLOGGED!!!! Good giiiiirl :) I'm so proud! I love when you write! Plus I love the pictures :)

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  2. Awesome, I love you coming out. I already love who you are, I can't wait to see more.:)

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  3. Wow Leah, that's so exciting. I have to admit, I didn't realize you are an extremely "sensitive" person, you cover it so well. Or I should say "have covered" because I can't wait to see all the feelings you've kept inside! I love you so much, and am so glad I got to see you while you were here. I really want to come see you in DC again sometime soon! :)

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  4. P.S. I love that you used that photo, I really love the lighting, and it just really accentuates your natural beauty!

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